What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 22.06.2025 00:06
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
All the time i was locked up.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
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His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I waited trembling.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
One cannot live in the past .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
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Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I don,t even have a pension.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
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Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
So, i spoilt her more .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
When did women stop wearing bonnets in North America?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She loved him until the end.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
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I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I think the readers, may guess!
Why did the Greek city state never form an empire?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But it wasn’t much.
How did it feel to take your first gay BBC?
I have no regrets .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I could never make a relationship work though!
Do the British people realize how much American people absolutely despise them?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was 9 years of age.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
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Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Was to survive, this bastard.
So whats the point in blame.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
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She married twice! .
But, we were locked up after school.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
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She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I was scared of men, in general
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I write beautiful poetry .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My life is so biszare .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Put me off passion for life!!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
When she asked me how she looked .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We were not on the streets..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I will be 64.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
This is soul school!.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Ive learnt so much.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
What did i know ?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Would this be the day?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Comes on , in middle age.
She found it foreign!.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Im still living with it.
We all went to grammer schools
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And i lived it daily.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
It was going to be , some day.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was very sick at this time too.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was seconnd youngest,
Especially a lifetime of it.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My family never makes their pension either.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I said to her
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why did i forgive my father ?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Who then, do I blame.?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He knew the spot.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She was in good health!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She wouldn,t have been !
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.